Dear Barack,

Recently, almost every other day I receive an e-mail message from either you or one of your surrogates asking for money. The e-mails always refer to me by my first name, even though I’m sure that you have no idea what I am, so I figure, I can refer to you by your first name. So, you want something from me, well I would like to say I want something from you. I would like to think that you actually give a damn about me, but I don’t think you do!

After you were first elected, I wrote a letter to you saying how happy I was that you were elected, and asking you for an autographed photo for myself, and also for my caregiver. I never received any response to that letter. Then last year, I send another request for an autographed photo for myself, and my caregiver, and I never received any response to that request as well. Now, I understand that you are very busy man, but I can’t understand why you don’t have time to send us an autographed photo. I have heard that now you sign most of your documents using an autopen anyway which is a machine that automatically writes your signature, so I don’t really see how you can argue that you don’t have time to do it! As far as I can see, the only reason for not getting a response is that probably the requests got thrown in the garbage without even being read! I understand that you have someone else who reads your mail for you, but I don’t see why that person cannot respond to these requests in some kind of fashion.

You want our money, you want our votes, you want to send us fake e-mail messages pretending that you have a relationship with us that we don’t really have, yet you throw my letters in the garbage probably without even reading them! How hard would it be to have someone send us a little note just acknowledging our existence, and saying that it is not possible for you to send the autographs for whatever reason?  Once your wife Michelle sent me a letter saying that you stay up late at night reading my letters to you, somehow I seriously doubt that! I guess you must be reading someone’s letters, or she would have not written that, but I don’t think that you read mine!

Communication is a two-way street Mr. President! You can’t spam people relentlessly day after day, and not expect some kind of a response! I’m terribly frustrated that you feel that you can fill my inbox with e-mail messages, but you don’t find it necessary to reply to my letters that I send to you! If you want something from me isn’t it only fair for me to ask something from you?

Sincerely,

Michael Ethan Landau

PS :  If by some chance you do happen to read this, I would prefer it if you do not use the autopen for the autographs, but it would be better than no response at all.